I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm just crazy horny about you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need to calm my uterus...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
