i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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