I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
