I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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