My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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