So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
