in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
