census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
