I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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