Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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