You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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