You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
