My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
