Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize