Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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