i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
