Dual....:-)
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
