Please, let me fuck your mom
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
