It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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