I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
