I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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