Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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