Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
