Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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