His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize