he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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