On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
a search helicopter?!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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