tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
