R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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