and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize