So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
