Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
