ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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