bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
