Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
