Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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