Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
