I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
