he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
