i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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