Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
