TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
