I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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