we made out on top of his cat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
