A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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