How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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