i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
