How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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