there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
