He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
