Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
