I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
