Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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