guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
