How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
