Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i believe in u and ur pee
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
