i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
