So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
