The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
