Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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