You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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