Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
