Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
