i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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