i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
