I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
